NEWS & ARTICLES : R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T - (originally published in PetFolio magazine)

I asked my husband what he thought about that, and without hesitation, he replied: "It's a two-way street." That really sums it up! But everybody sees things differently. 

People often go to extremes to get their share of "respect". But extremes don't work. Whether running a horse to a lather in a round pen or spurring a horse until he welts, the horse will only focus on his survival and therefore cannot learn. Exhaustion and pain are his focus, not listening to you and learning. Extremes lead to fear and a "fight or flight" response in the horse. The round pen should be a classroom. Spurs should be used as a refinement of an already-learned cue (the leg aids). Humans often have unrelenting demands, and apply more complex punishment or retribution. The horse only knows that he was right not to trust that human. None of these measures earn respect by showing the horse "who is boss." In fact, the relationship may unravel altogether as the horse attempts self-preservation. In every lesson, no one should get hurt, and the horse should be happier and quieter at the end of the lesson than at the beginning. 

Another extreme is someone who won't "correct" her horse because she might "scare" him. This produces a more disrespectful horse because he has no strong leader, no one to "follow". Horses in a herd require strength and "safe decision making" by their leader, otherwise they replace that leader. Many think that "being nice" must be a "natural" horsemanship method. "Natural" only means that humans should approach horses with the horse's learning style and needs in mind. This translates into designing activities in a way that is easily understood by the horse. It doesn't mean the horse gets to push you around.

So, I look at respect like this. I try to find a quiet place where I can get my horse to trust me, trust my judgment, trust me not to hurt him or get him hurt. Then he can look up to me, like me, feel I'm fair to him. He begins to respect my knowledge and me, respect me as a leader.

I respect him by recognizing his physical, mental or emotional limitations. He listens to me because my demands are reasonable, doable. He says: "Of course, I'd be happy to." He doesn't ignore me or walk over me. He looks to me for guidance because I can help him out of trouble. I can become his teacher, his mentor. He develops a desire to understand more. I can read him and modify my approach in order to help him, an ability which only serves to prove to him that he was right to trust me in the first place. Throughout this process, we develop a deep respect for each other.

Yes, it is a two-way street. You can be together, traveling the same path. Or you can go in opposite directions, but your horse will be long gone by the time you notice it. So will your chance to "get respect."

-Rebekka Rhodes

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